Vika is very far away She married for convenience and moved to another country. He is 10 years older. He likes. Me not. I thought there would be some kind of mutual respect, but I can’t respect it, because... he constantly makes false promises, but does not fulfill them. He just eats, sleeps and climbs into bed. What kind of respect is there? I myself am on a pension after service, so it’s possible to go crazy. Endless house. I hate it. You will say that I need to get a divorce, but now the situation is such that I can only do this after a while. So I endure. I cry all the time. Sometimes fate drives us into such a corner that you don’t know how to get out.
Lisa Moscow We have been living together for 15 years and we are married. A marriage without love, it was just time. But overall they lived well, one might even say well. But she never loved him. It’s just that there was no time for it, the child was growing up, they were changing their place of residence, and other everyday problems. But the feeling that this was not my person did not leave me, I hoped that everything would be settled, settled down. He’s not bad, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t hit, he doesn’t offend, he helps around the house. And after sex, everything seems to get better in my head for a short time... But how hard it is! It’s hard because it’s her own fault, but nothing to do with the child. My daughter is a copy of my dad, how can I change something? How dare I? So I live with someone I don’t love. I started drinking slowly, it seemed easier. At times it’s generally good, everything is quiet and calm. And when I think that this is forever, then at least climb into the noose. If it were possible to remove emotional sensitivity like appendicitis, I would remove it. And I would continue to live with him, He is not to blame for anything.
Lyolik Earth What's love like? The instinctive program of an ape-like person is completed (they fucked, they produced children), it’s time to change the blood and get a new one. This is the law of nature. This way there is a greater chance that your offspring will survive. The concept of “love” is a means of manipulating people. And in this case, the author of the article (a feminist) uses this concept to promote her delusional ideas to the masses. I wish all the women who do not love their caring husbands the most severe financial crisis and louts who are not able to give them care.
Anna Kyiv They loved each other very much. The children were born early, they fled home right after school, and live in another country. The house was built... Everything should be fine. But somehow, after 40, my husband became irritable. I feel like I’m irritating him too. Master. Without crouching, he is always cooking something, cleaning the yard, planting plants, feeding the household... That is, he is fussing around in every possible way. Many will say, you fool, rejoice. But there is no joy and spending time together. On vacation separately.... Weekends - he is at home, busy. What about talking? He stays silent for days, or tries to convey news from Facebook to me. The TV was moved from the bedroom, so he followed the TV to the first floor. I didn’t have sex for I don’t remember how many months. But I don’t want anything anymore. I can’t get out of depression. Previously, I tried to shake him up, go somewhere together, go to the gym together. He says I don't want to. Then I started going to the gym myself and going to the mountains. But he doesn’t care where I am or what. I’m calling, let’s go together, because little children don’t cry... And we’re only 43. I stopped considering myself next to him and a woman. Hands down. Loneliness.
Angela Chelyabinsk I can't stomach it all my life. I didn’t marry my husband out of love, out of stupidity, and I’ve been putting up with him for 30 years now. He’s unbearable, he’s eaten up like a hog, he’s stopped taking care of himself... he drinks 4-5 liters of beer every day and says that it’s hard for him to walk. He doesn’t like me either, but his youngest daughter is only in the 8th grade, that’s how we live, we fight all the time. Is this family. More details: http://www..nsf/publicall/2010-04-06-511635.html
Andrey Ekaterinburg I read the article and the women’s comments. Once again I was convinced that it is not worth living for a woman and doing something for her, in response you will hear “I hate you” everywhere you look, wherever you spit, holy queens everywhere. No, I don’t want marriage, I don’t want a relationship either, I don’t believe in that in the modern world. I am divorced, raising 3 children, two 10-year-old twin daughters and a 5-year-old son. My ex-wife left for Moscow with her lover, leaving me the children (for this I am grateful to her), she was tired of her family, but less than two years later she began to ask to return, but only time has passed, let her continue to “rest.” I live for my children, and I don’t want any more relationships, I’ve had enough, and I don’t want to force my children to call someone else’s aunt mom, but they no longer have their own mother. The ex-wife is still begging for forgiveness and a second chance. Hatred of my husband and fatigue from my family, royal ladies, if only you had my childhood in an orphanage and my youth at 90 in Chechnya, you would have sung differently and prayed for your husband. You’re just too greedy and don’t know what it means to love and what family is.
Nadezhda Ekaterinburg My dear friends in misfortune. So I was always cheerful and lively, we met on a whim and stupidly signed up, pregnancy and everything cut me off from him, I hate everything about him, I’m very unhappy with him, at 26 I look 40, in the morning I don’t have the strength to get out of bed, at night there are tears and regrets that I was in a hurry... He’s not my man, and we’re different in all, but the baby adores him and I just can’t deprive him of his dad... This is how to live? And he walks around so indifferent , can’t get me off the couch, I’m tired of this, even if it’s a wolf howling
Olya Kraygorod I can't see him hear him
Albina G. Mozhga Dear women! How I understand you. I myself am 43 years old. I have been living with my husband for 21 years. We have three children. Anything happened in our lives. But after 40 years, apparently, a reassessment of values begins. I suddenly realized that I no longer loved my husband at all. The crush that I had in my youth had finally passed. I am not happy about joint vacations or joint holidays. I believe that I will meet my happy love and leave my unloved husband. And I don’t care what my mother-in-law and all my friends say about me, I spent many years of my life on someone I don’t love, I haven’t hidden my dislike for him from him for a long time. I also dream that he will meet a woman who will love him and he will love her. Then I will be calm for him and truly free.
Anna Ulan-Ude Girls, how I understand you all! I loved my husband very much, we’ve been together for seven years. Three daughters, but suddenly something broke in my soul and heart. I hate him!!! He infuriates me: how he eats, how says. I don’t want to sleep with him at all, when I kiss him, I want to turn away. I told him that I don’t love him and don’t want to live together. And he’s like a wallflower. I feel like I’m under his yoke! I want freedom, for 7 years of living with him, I have aged 15 years. I don’t know what to do, how to continue to live!
Balgul Nefteyugansk I hate it. .. I feel happy only in my dreams. Why do I live with it? Don't know.
Anna Moscow It’s much worse when you love him, but he doesn’t love you... I’ve been living with a man for 7 months, I love, I suffer, I cry, I drink afobazole and valerian... and he told me that love is too strong a feeling and he will never tell me won’t say “I love you,” like one way or another, I agreed, I thought, let deeds show love. Shows. But by deeds, not by feelings, he is sometimes gentle, sometimes aggressive and angry, I am sometimes scared when he comes at me with reproaches, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, like in childhood, when I was punished by my parents for misdeeds. Signed. And so I think - how long will we be enough? He is good and wise, he is a man, not a wimp, but he is so cold with him... he won’t take kindly to him, won’t caress him with a kind word (he’s a man, not a woman), won’t regret it (there’s no point in pretending to be a victim)... then Whether he loves me, but shows his feelings coldly (man), or whether he’s just comfortable with me... I don’t know, to be honest. And, as luck would have it, there is also a discrepancy in temperament, at first everything is in the openwork, a lot and privately and hotly, and then... I’m not like that, I’m not a male, I need to be fired up, but I’m faithful, I don’t throw myself at others, with my dick I don’t think so... yes, it’s good, but I never kindled passion in a man consciously, everything was always fine without it, I hate it, I feel unpleasant, everything is somehow faked and my desire sometimes disappears in the end. When you are loved, probably easier than the other way around, when your heart cries, your soul suffers from not being loved, not being caressed... but the last sweet years are gone, before you have time to look back, menopause will come, and with it the age when there is no time for sleepless nights from hot love... So, you seem to like the man and he’s good, but it’s still not something. But you can’t find the ideal one, it’s not the same years, everyone has been married or divorced for a long time, disappointed in women or just revelers. I'll have to endure it as long as I can. And then again a divorce, most likely (before that there were a lot of rags)
Anna Ufa How many unhappy women while away their days with those they don’t love! My husband has been trading sex for computer games for a year now, he practically doesn’t see or notice his children, he’s not interested in anything at all except his games of tanks. Well, to eat at home. He doesn't even know how to love. I used to freak out at him and get angry. And now I have no strength anymore. I just try not to notice his presence. The children (two boys) also sat behind the tanks looking at him - you can’t kick him out. But I don’t have the courage to get a divorce. We are married. It’s a sin to leave your husband without a good reason. It's horrible. I roar at night. I want love, happiness. It definitely won't happen to him anymore. My mistake is that in my youth, when we met, I thought that that SAME feeling would come to him later, I liked him very much when we met. But there was some feeling of misunderstanding and somewhere deep down a feeling that something was not mine, something was missing. And everything was beautiful on the outside. He is handsome, and I am no worse. I set myself up that everything would happen and that true love would also appear for him. Almost 17 years have passed. Nothing appeared. Only the love disappeared. This is such bullshit. If there was love, there would be strength and desire to fight for the attention of her husband. And now there is no hunting. Don't marry without love. And especially don’t get married without checking your feelings.
Yana Kamyshin We lived with my husband for 11 years, he loved me very much and still loves me, and after the first divorce I was left with a small son, so I thought it would be easier for both of us, he’ll endure it... I gave birth to a second son, he’s now 8 years old, I can’t stand it, I talked and said that I can’t do this anymore, I don’t love him... but he doesn’t leave, he’s silent, he threatens to steal his son, he has nowhere to go, he’s not local... so we continue to live... I can’t sleep with him! WHAT TO DO?
Dana Moscow I don’t hate my husband, I don’t like him, what should I do? Help, I can’t leave, there are many reasons
Lizzi Inta Oh, girls, how hard it is to be with someone you don’t love. I didn’t marry for love, it was just time. We lived for 15 years, gave birth to two boys, and thought that if she could endure it, she would fall in love. Yes, I couldn’t stand it and didn’t fall in love. I got divorced, bought an apartment, and am renovating. He's furious, he suddenly remembered about the children. While the renovation is underway, we live together. What's ahead? But I can’t live with someone I don’t love anymore!!!
Fly Penza sorry
I really understand you girls, I have the same situation, we’ve been together for 10 years, 6 of them married... after the birth of a child and moving in with my mother-in-law, everything changed, as if he had been replaced. He became aggressive, irritable. There’s practically nothing for us to talk about. We live under same roof as neighbors. There is also nowhere to leave. And there is no love either....
Gulya Kazan I understand you all very much. I also don’t know how to live with an unloved husband. I hate him.
Madame Rome I live in Italy. My husband is older. My parents are in Ukraine, I can’t escape at all... my husband is not aggressive, he doesn’t hit me... but I haven’t had sex for 3 years now... just 0% passion... I look at him and feel sick!!! My son is 5 years old, I’m waiting for him to grow up, I’m still quietly learning English... I dream of disappearing and forgetting. It’s so hard. Such loneliness.
Elena Roshal Alice, I understand you. The same situation happened today. I told my husband that I didn’t love her and wanted a divorce. But there was nowhere to go, we were registered in the apartment together, and he was from another city. Now he is silent. Not talking. I don’t know how the next days, weeks, months or years will turn out (((((And there is no support. Mom is on her husband’s side.......
Elena Roshal Oh, girls. How hard it is to live with someone you don’t love and ruin your happiness and youth ((((I want a divorce, but he is silent like a fish on ice. We have two daughters, and I don’t want them to suffer because of my decision to divorce.
Galina Saint Petersburg I have no desire to enter into a new relationship with a man after 26 years of marriage! Cook, wash, clean again? No way! I want to be alone and live only for myself!!! this is real happiness!!!
Louisa Orsk I was in love with my husband, but I married him out of necessity. I don’t even know why. There was always a row with him before the birth of the child, he irritated me very much. Now our son is 2.5 years old. We don't fight like we used to. Far less. But my attitude towards him changed. I realized that I didn't really love him. The child has repressed all feelings. I feel tenderness for him sometimes, care, calmness, satisfaction, but this does not happen often. When I see him nervous and angry, and if he also swears, then I want to run away from him. Some kind of disgust. In bed before pregnancy, I was very active sexually. He was drawn away from me, but now I don’t want him at all. Became frigid. I don't like everything. There is nowhere to go. Parents in another country. We are renting an apartment. I don’t work because I have no one to leave the child with. Starting kindergarten only next year. In short, everything would be fine if he were not aggressive. I don’t even know where to go
She's Nantes I hate my husband’s whole life, I didn’t marry him out of love, out of stupidity, and I’ve been putting up with him for 24 years. He is unbearable, he doesn’t love me either, but we have adult children, that’s how we live, from the outside it’s a very prosperous family.
Nata Kraygorod And I divorced my husband and have been alone for 4 years, I don’t regret leaving him
Guest of Almaty I also have the same situation. 3 children, 12.9 and 3 years old. I haven’t loved my husband for several years now, I can’t say the exact date. To live or not to live for the sake of children? That is the question. He loves me, but I don't. Torment yourself, continue to live with the unloved, or break up?
Tatiana Kraigorod Everything is true, but our insecurity comes from poverty - there is nowhere to go
Yulia Kraigorod Good article. The main thing is that every word is true. I’m in a difficult situation now, I’m constantly thinking about divorce, I’m on maternity leave and I’m succumbing to difficulties, but there’s no love, it’s difficult, very difficult to live like this.
Alisa Kraygorod I agree with the author, it is unbearable to endure irritation every day at the sight of an unloved husband, but what if, after talking about divorce and loss of feelings, the husband does not want to leave, remains silent and waits, and I have nowhere to go with the children?
Zukhra Kraigorod that’s right, I don’t love my husband either, but for the sake of the child I live with him, I don’t know what to do...
Captain Nemo Edgegorod I hate my husband. But I have to live with this man...
Mar-sized Kraigorod Everything is written very correctly.
Sometimes in life it happens that after some time spent in marriage, a woman catches herself thinking that she does not love her husband, that they are completely strangers and different people. But why does this happen? Love can disappear from a relationship for various reasons. This may be disappointment, resentment on the part of the husband, and in some cases due to loss of interest in his soulmate. But whatever the reason, the worst thing is that there is no more love, it has simply evaporated. Some women perceive this fact wisely. In this case, the woman does everything possible to maintain family relationships. But, unfortunately, not everyone can make such sacrifices. There are women who immediately file for divorce, and there are also those who, without love, continue to live together. But at the same time, the woman feels constantly oppressed and spends all her days in torment and tears.
Women who have determination and self-sufficiency usually break up with their spouses without any problems or pain. They do not want to live with a person who is unpleasant to them, so they prefer to live alone. And if a woman is very vulnerable and vulnerable, then she prefers to leave everything as it is, because she does not dare to make global changes. Let the husband be unloved, but the main thing is that he exists. They are afraid to take risks and change something in their life; they are afraid of creating a new relationship with another, unfamiliar man.
So which of these two groups of women is right? Both are right in their own way. You need to break off relations with your partner only when there is no other solution to the problem. If you understand that there is no other way out of this situation, and that the only way out is divorce, then you need to listen to your heart. It is important that people close and dear to you support your decision, since without support it can be very difficult, especially at first. It is important not to communicate with your ex-partner at first, because he, just like you, needs to move away and think about creating a new relationship. In addition, constant communication in the first time after a divorce may result in your relationship being restored again. If you don’t want this, then you don’t need to give your ex-man hope that you can be together again.
Very often, a woman who has stopped loving her man and decided to divorce him suffers from a decrease in her own self-esteem. We need to try to prevent this from happening. But our society, alas, has set priorities in such a way that a woman who is divorced has a status that is lower than that of a married woman. Very often, divorced women are treated with a certain contempt; she is considered promiscuous, unlucky, and unable to save her family. This is especially evident in small towns where all people know each other. Basically, no one develops in the reasons for which people divorced, they simply begin to judge the woman. Naturally, such condemnations will put psychological pressure on a woman.
What to do in such a situation? A woman needs to clearly and clearly realize for herself that she has one life, and she should live it for her own pleasure, and not so that some people unfamiliar to her do not judge her. They can say a lot of things behind your back, you just need to learn not to take it personally. You need to understand for yourself that only those people who are deeply unhappy gossip, because those who are happy will never delve into someone else’s life.
But what should you do if you still need to try to maintain the relationship in marriage? What to do in this case and continue to live with a person for whom you no longer have any feelings?
How to start living again with a man if love has passed for him
Very often you can encounter a situation where a woman continues to live with her husband only for the sake of the child. The love has passed, but I don’t want to destroy the marriage so that the child has a normal and full-fledged family. Women believe that no one can replace a child’s natural father, and that the relationship between parents should not affect children in any way. This situation occurs very often. The woman begins to feel like a victim, she suffers and endures everything just so that the child can feel good. Of course, for children both dad and mom are very dear people. When parents divorce, it has a strong effect on the child’s psyche; for him it is a severe psychological trauma. But you need to understand that constant conflicts and scandals bring no less harm to the child. Will a child really feel happy watching a constantly dissatisfied father and a crying mother? Children suffer from such relationships even more than from their parents’ divorce. Children can very subtly feel the state of their parents’ inner world.
They worry about their dads and moms, so if they understand that nothing is going well with their parents, they may have a strong feeling of guilt. This feeling can stay with the child for the rest of his life. A woman must take this fact into account if she does not want to divorce her husband, whom she has stopped loving. We need to do everything possible to ensure that there are no constant scandals and quarrels in the house. Otherwise, the child's life can be completely ruined. And you, wanting to achieve the best for the child, will only make it worse for him.
If the relationship has reached such a point that scandals simply cannot be avoided, then it would still be better to get a divorce. After all, if parents divorce, this does not mean at all that the father’s relationship with his child ends there. There are also cases where fathers after a divorce become even closer to their children. You should not try to maintain your family relationships solely for the benefit of the children, because this can cause the opposite effect.
If you still overdo yourself and get used to the fact that your unloved husband is next to you, then you need to think carefully about how unloved he is by you? It is possible that he is not so unloved, in which case you need to sincerely talk with your husband and agree with him to try to avoid possible quarrels and scandals. Even if a man loves his wife very much, after a while he will still come to terms with the idea that love is one-sided. Such marriages can be found very often.
There are also cases when a woman stops loving her man, but remains with him only out of pity. This happens for the reason that love can be transformed into various forms and even be expressed as hatred. Therefore, one should think that perhaps this pity is a unique form of love. You need to try to imagine your life without your husband, whom you seem to absolutely not love.
Perhaps these performances will make your soul hurt? If this happens, then everything is not as bad as you think. In this case, you need to think about whether it’s worth ending the relationship or whether it’s better to try to save the family. After all, it often happens that everyday life and habit dull even the strongest feelings, so you need to try and do everything possible to restore the relationship.
There are many reasons why couples get into a relationship. The fear of loneliness is far from the last place on this list. Many people are afraid of staying in an empty home in old age and want someone to remember them after death. Family provides insurance and confidence. “If you endure it, you will fall in love,” that’s what people say. However, many psychologists believe that loneliness is by no means the worst option if relationships based on habit are on the opposite side of the scale. Today we will talk about why you can’t live with an unloved person.
Misconceptions about happiness
Society and modern culture have implanted in the minds of many people the idea that single men or women cannot be happy. Before your eyes is the example of parents, more “successful” friends. And they are all vying with each other to ask when to expect radical changes in your life. However, this idea is completely wrong. Just because you have another person next to you, you will not find happiness. For an ideal union with someone, one big condition is necessary - love. Imagine what will happen if marriage is not based on feelings?
Lots of restrictions
By letting another person into your home, you limit your life, your rights, but at the same time you acquire additional responsibilities. Both of you will try to live according to the pattern, limiting your own desires and needs, just because it’s accepted and “everyone does it.” On the other hand, you limit the desires and needs of the other person. Now you both are forced to adapt to each other. In such conditions, life without feelings is like hell, where each of the partners wants to be left alone with themselves in order to finally breathe freely. Understand that finding a partner is not the equivalent of success or a sign of entering adulthood. 
Relationships for the sake of relationships will soon exhaust themselves
A lonely person is free to do as he wants, and he has the main thing: freedom of choice. Currently, as an alternative to the usual family structure, there are several relationship options. People actively practice unions without a stamp in the passport, guest marriages and “love at a distance.” You should forever link your destiny with another person only when you understand that you are making each other’s lives better. If your couple is haunted by conflicts and dissatisfaction, sooner or later such an alliance will exhaust itself.
New social connections
A loveless relationship does not eliminate the need for regular meetings with your partner's friends or relatives. You will follow all these rules of etiquette, and it will be difficult for you to develop true sympathy for complete strangers. When a person is lonely, he can leave the party at any time, citing urgent matters. Nobody will hold him. If he craves communication, he goes to a bar and talks to strangers there. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he will ever see his new companions again or not. He does not need to look back at his partner every time or catch the reproachful glances of his relatives. By doing this one way or another, he will not hurt anyone's feelings. 
People living in megacities see several hundred faces every day; they may not consider themselves lonely at all. All doors are open to you, and there is no reason to tie yourself with a strong rope to a person who, by and large, is indifferent to you.
Loveless relationships make people even lonelier
When you want to choose something new, you take several things to the fitting room at once. When you try on the model of someone else's ideal life, no one can guarantee that this model will fit like a glove. Gradually you will begin to feel that you exist in a simulated reality. This feeling leads to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. Relationships themselves do not deliver happiness on a silver platter. Probably no one warned you about this. Two people who live with each other are simply the sum of two people. If you realize that there is no turning back, and your relationship is based on lies and deceit, you will feel much more alone.
Igorich
Hello! There is no love for my wife, there are no feelings, there has been no sex for a long time, and I don’t want her as a woman. I don’t want to share anything with her, tell her anything, although she reaches out to me, tells me something funny, shares news, but it doesn’t matter what she says. Sometimes I hate her, I often become very irritated by her appearance or some questions. I went on vacation with the children for two months, I thought I’d rest and everything would work out, yes, the irritation went away, while I was living on my own, everything was somehow different, I felt happy, I wanted to live, to do something. And I realized that I liked it, I was so comfortable alone, I didn’t want any relationship, my soul sang, you might say.
And now is the day when they should arrive. I did the cleaning, washed the windows in the apartment, prepared a meal, hoping for the happy eyes of my wife, hoping that everything should change for the better. Alas, I didn’t appreciate it, everything is wrong, everything is wrong, and in general I don’t do anything like a man and that was the last straw... I said everything, I’m tired, I say, I can’t live with you anymore, I don’t see the need for you, I’m with you it’s bad, I’m getting a divorce, I say find yourself someone worthy, I want to live alone, I don’t need any women, I can completely take care of myself. I persuaded her not to get a divorce, at least for the sake of the children; my daughter loves me very much while we live together. I don’t want to go home from work just to avoid seeing her. There was a very strong hatred towards her. I myself am beginning to wonder whether she can really be satisfied with all this, can a girl continue to live when she is not loved, not noticed, not listened to. I don’t refuse children, I would also help, alimony... And she’s happy with everything, but in general I look at her and it seems like nothing is happening for her at all, as if everything is normal, as if this is how it should be. What do you say, isn’t this the end, is it possible to continue living like this? We've been married for 15 years together. Children: son 12 years old and daughter 3 years old.
Igorich
I am 35, my wife is 34. Due to frequent scandals, reproaches, disputes, I have ceased to be interested in asserting what I myself do not understand. The tone is orderly, commanding, most often when you are in a bad mood. “So, I got up and went to wash my cup,” for example. Gradually I came to understand that this is not a wife, a wife should not be like that. With my daughter, too, everything is in an orderly tone, the daughter herself is already beginning to copy her, giving orders, which makes her heart hurt, realizing that she is growing up like her mother.
Igorich
Now probably no, I think if a man can serve himself, there is no need for a wife. Temporary, non-binding meetings for sex and that’s enough. Lost faith in all women. It's like a consumable. I don’t believe in love, I don’t believe in anything anymore, and I wouldn’t try to start a new relationship.
What do you think a wife should be like? And most importantly - what are your desires?
Anyway, I will answer your question. How much does a man need from a woman, but ordinary praise is already worth something, the best incentive for further deeds, a kind word is like a balm for the soul. Any kind words will warm your soul and make you want to idolize it. I was never fully listened to, my conversation was interrupted by other topics, which made me lose interest in telling her anything. And I really wanted her to listen carefully, just to at least pretend. Yes, you will make any request for joy if it sounds gentle and not an order. Here. Now I have become completely callous, cold, I no longer need any tenderness.
And most importantly - what are your desires?
The desire to separate peacefully. And as soon as possible, while she is young and beautiful, she can find herself a man. But I want this to be by mutual agreement. At the moment she is against it, she is not embarrassed by my indifferent attitude towards her.
Good evening. What is your main request to a psychologist?
The desire to separate peacefully. And as soon as possible, while she is young and beautiful, she can find herself a man. But I want this to be by mutual agreement.
You know, you can’t force yourself to be nice. It’s not for nothing that people say so. It is clear that such relationships are a burden for you. It is also clear that you need to work on relationships, and even more so after 15 years of marriage. From your messages, I see that a certain point of no return in the relationship has been passed, after which either the end of the relationship or long-term joint work on building new ones. Over 15 years, both of you have changed, and it happens that one of the couple is not ready for the changes of the other half.
I also hear notes of resentment towards women. But this will definitely pass when the one appears.
Igorich
Honestly, for me the ideal couple is the one who accepts each other as they are. And not the one that forces each other to change, why torture each other. Yes, you change, for a while, but for a long time you won’t be able to imagine yourself to others, everything will return to normal
Honestly, for me the ideal couple is the one who accepts each other as they are.
Igorich, of course it is. Working on relationships is possible and effective only if people love each other, understand that there are difficulties and are ready to do something together for each other.
When a child is born, for example, a lot changes in the family and the spouses themselves already acquire a new role. All changes occur intuitively, by themselves. The husband helps his wife, the wife helps her husband, without reproaches or accusations. But if someone is not ready for these changes, then misunderstandings arise. Over time, a very important thing disappears in such couples - respect. And in the absence of respect, everyone pulls the blanket over themselves.
There is also an answer in your topic title. Under what circumstances is living with an unloved person possible for you?
It happens that, after living a couple of years in a happy marriage, a woman discovers that her husband has become indifferent to her and is not interested in her either as a man or as a friend. What is this?
Crisis stage of family life. which one needs to be experienced? Or is love really gone? In any case, you need to understand yourself, because living with an unloved husband is difficult, it can provoke an intrapersonal conflict that will be difficult to deal with.
After two or three years of marriage, the relationship between the spouses changes. Passion and vivid emotions gradually disappear, and completely different feelings take their place. This surprises and frightens many girls; they begin to think that they have stopped loving their spouse. In fact, this is not so, it’s just that love has acquired a different quality, and you need to accept that now your relationship has become stronger and calmer.
There are situations when a woman really stops loving her husband. The reason for this could be resentment and disappointment. This also happens in families after the birth of a child. Cooling rarely occurs on its own. And here the question arises: is it possible to live with an unloved husband? You can live for some time without having any feelings for your partner.
True, this situation is often complicated by the fact that the woman does not want to have sex with the person who has become a stranger to her. This provokes quarrels, misunderstandings and conflicts. Sometimes indifference gives way to irritation and even hatred. This is where mental tossing begins, developing into an internal personal conflict. Women often cannot make a choice: save their family at any cost or leave. And sometimes the cause of internal discord is a lack of understanding whether there are any feelings left towards the spouse. Perhaps the cooling occurred only temporarily?
There is an easy way to check if you still love your spouse. Imagine that he has another woman. How does this make you feel? Or imagine that he left forever for a distant country. Do you want to drop everything and follow him? If you are ready to fight for your husband, to run to the ends of the earth for him, then most likely your relationship has not completely exhausted itself. If you don't care, then the love is gone.
When answering this question, people usually take one of two extreme positions. The first one sounds like this: “This is your fate, be patient.” Adherents of the second point of view urge a woman not to waste her life, not to torture herself and the other person, and to break off relationships.
Both are difficult to achieve. There are situations when the spouse is both gentle and caring, but still there is no love. And leaving him means causing serious injury to a person, offending and insulting him. What to do? First you need to analyze your feelings. If you are still together, what connects you? Perhaps you are concerned about the impact of divorce on your children. Or does your spouse provide for you, are you used to living in comfort and security and do not want to lose such a comfortable life?
Or maybe you still retain gratitude and respect, even if these feelings are hidden for the time being in the hidden corners of your soul? Or is family a cure for boredom and loneliness for you? If you honestly answer these questions for yourself, it will be easier for you to make a choice. Consider your relationships from the height of your global life plans. Think about whether the family, as it is, will help you realize your main dreams? From this point of view, try to make a decision. Emotions and conflicts are unlikely to help you. Before making a choice, you need to stop scandals in the family. if they are, take a break, perhaps leave for a while, if circumstances allow. It will probably be easier for you to understand yourself and your feelings while apart.
And finally, the easiest way to understand how to live with an unloved husband. If, despite everything, you have maintained a trusting relationship with your spouse, then you should just sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. You may not be able to talk about love, but it should make you feel better. Tell him in a gentle way how you feel, don’t be afraid to offend him.
Your incomprehensible cooling and detachment, which you cannot explain in any way, causes much more pain. Think together if you can somehow change the situation. The main thing is not to blame your chosen one, just
My advice: Remember what they say: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We are loved exactly as much as we love ourselves. Happiness can only be given by those who force themselves to be happy. After all, it doesn’t depend on anything. I opened my eyes in the morning, thank God for everything I have, for the opportunity to live another wonderful day in this world! To begin with, drive all grievances out of your soul, nothing can be worse, resentment is the worm that sharpens and destroys a person from the inside. Following the insult, anger, irritation, and hatred will settle in the soul. You can only change someone through yourself, and the hardest work is working on yourself. The people around us are a reflection of ourselves, our shortcomings. We just need to learn to see it! If God wants to make us happy, he leads us along the most difficult road, simply because otherwise we would not value so much what comes into our lives.
After living with my husband for nine years, I corrected the most important flaw in myself - touchiness. I was offended so often, I was one step away from a mental hospital, the thought of tightening the noose around my neck, yes. that remembering was not easy. I spent a year of my life learning to forgive and forget, patiently waiting for my husband to mature enough to divorce, so that they would let each other go with goodness. Everything in my life magically began to change, along with how I changed myself, I forced myself to fall in love with myself and be happy every day no matter what!
Married for 6 years. They used to love each other. Now we argue 7 times a day. I would love to get a divorce, but I have nowhere to go. I have a bad relationship with my mother. in other respects, I always think that she is entirely to blame. I'm afraid to ask myself such a question. suddenly I really love you. It’s not that he doesn’t love me, I’m disgusted with him, he criticizes my every move. It's easier for me to hate him. if I let these feelings wash over me he could hurt me every day
I have been living with my husband for 15 years. There are two children. For the last five years I have not been living, but existing. He never indulged in attention before, but now he doesn’t notice at all. It was never just a hug or a kiss. Sex 1-2 times a month. And then I’m always the initiator. He refuses me many times. This topic has already been discussed a million times. He always has some excuses, wants to sleep at night, rushes to work in the morning. She offered to get a divorce, but she doesn’t want to. I don't understand what the reason is. I’m 32. He’s 34. I think my appearance is fine, I take care of myself. Sometimes even strangers. On the street you get a lot of attention. I don’t understand how to continue to live like this...
I am 60 years old, I have lived with my husband for 36 years. Children - 4. 3rd created families. The youngest is studying at an architectural institute. I'm scared. I am indifferent to my husband, I realized that I live with an unloved man. While retired, I work as a designer. I like the job. I try to do more work that I love. He annoys me. I see emptiness ahead. Children and grandchildren live separately. No matter what I do, he thinks I'm stupid. Although I like to read and travel. In all these 36 years he has not read a single book, but he has good hearing. We don't understand each other at all. We haven't had sex for a long time. I'm already ashamed. He has diabetes. I feel sorry for him. Over all these years we just got used to each other.
I also had this problem in my life, but I overcame it. True, it took 4 years of my life! But recently I came across this article. I read it and realized that I really did a lot of things wrong. We must live for ourselves.
From my own experience I know that it is quite possible to live normally with an unloved person. Only this understanding came to me late. She was young and when she stopped loving her first husband, she didn’t cheat and got divorced. After a while, she married a second time without great love, but simply to be provided for. And I’ve been living well for 16 years now. Question - well, why did I spend my feelings and nerves for the first time on a person whom I later hated?
Thank you very much for the informative and positive article, we all probably face such problems throughout our lives together. It seems that the feelings have gone away, and the spouse has become a stranger, but around the corner a brighter feeling awaits us. But as statistics show, few people find happiness and joy around that corner. So is it necessary to strive for that turn? After all, this is to cause injury to our beloved halves, our children, and to ourselves no less. Isn’t it better to try to improve relationships in your own family, because family life is always work and creation!
