Reading time: 2 min

Friendship between a man and a woman is a popular controversial issue that involves many zealous opponents and supporters in its discussion. Arguing about whether there are real friendly relations between men and the fairer sex, some are convinced that friendship is possible, others are convinced that, a priori, friendly relations between a man and a woman do not exist. What are the signs of friendship between a man and a woman? It is worth separating the friendship that we know between people of the same sex and friendship of different sexes.

You can spend time with a friend of the opposite sex while keeping a distance, but sharing a shared hotel room or relaxing with strong drinks can take you out of the bounds of friendship. Natural instincts play a role when they are not suppressed by illness, age or unconventional orientation of one. Proponents of the idea that there are no friendly relations between a man and a woman put forward the hidden intimacy of opposite-sex friends as their main argument.

The exception is the communication of former lovers who have fully satisfied their sexual interest, for example, having lived together for a long time. And here outbreaks of the former sympathy of partners are likely. It is not for nothing that it is known that such friendship weakens with the coming of night. Physiology takes its toll, at a certain stage it begins to move forward. Therefore, they say that close friendship, such as it happens between two women, two men who completely trust, is impossible with a person of a different sex, if the friends are not spouses in the past or one is not homosexual. You may cross paths with co-workers or classmates, but the relationship will be long-distance, with a significant amount of conventions, more friendly than intimate.

Many girls who want to make friends with guys, but not be harassed by them, choose gay men as friends, which has a number of advantages for the latter. They usually have a narcissistic character, have the same interests as girls, are emotional, also focused on beauty and can keep company, give advice and an unbiased opinion. They do not compete with girls for the attention of heterosexual men. Such a friend can take a successful photo, recommend a beautiful hairstyle - unlike often with girlfriends, his motive will not be envy. Narcissistic women who cannot stand competition often make friends with homosexuals.

Friendship has a chance when he is your ex-husband, if you have lived together for a long time. You broke up, but each of you knows the other well, perhaps you have a child, work, friends. You perceive him in the role of a relative, not as an interesting object that you want to conquer or make a special impression. However, it happens that the former relationship has not actually ended, as psychologists say, the gestalt has not closed, one party or even both cherishes the hope of reviving the relationship. Here friendship is again under threat.

In other cases, the friendship is short-lived, or it is destroyed, or a couple develops and the relationship continues, but in a close way. At least one almost always feels sympathy, which, it seems to him, he has no right to admit, since then the current relationship will collapse. If you are just that friend who is afraid to open up his feelings, experience suggests that it is better to make a confession, even if it is difficult, but necessary. When the other one is truly a friend, you will be understood, and together you will come to the right decision, either not to communicate at all, wasting time, cherishing yourself with hopes, or continue to communicate, accepting sympathy, or become a couple altogether when the feelings are reciprocated.

Is there friendship between a man and a woman?

Often, the other half expresses dissatisfaction with their partner’s friendships with people of the opposite sex, and this is justified for the reasons discussed above. As we understand, the mandatory conditions, the actual signs of friendship between a man and a woman, are precisely the end of a close relationship between them or the homosexuality of one party.

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? Experienced people say that what has the appearance of heterosexual friendship is, on a subtle level, a relationship. If a woman trusts a man, he is close to her emotionally - she, albeit unconsciously, perceives him as a lover. Yes, there is no intimate relationship with him, perhaps, but she is so close to him mentally, she opens her thoughts and heart to him, they have such a warm relationship that such friendship begins to crowd out relationships with other men.

A woman by nature is focused on one man; as is known, she is monogamous. If a woman is friends with someone else’s man, then she will no longer be friends with her husband. Since a girl can have only one soulmate, for a good relationship it must be her husband. A woman who has a friend who is not her husband can have common affairs with her husband, have sex, but cannot fully love him. Therefore, it is believed that when a woman has a friend outside the family, the family is already partially destroyed, the husband does not control the situation, and there is only a small drop left before divorce. A woman has a strong need to open her soul, to tell a man about her experiences - when she does this, she receives intimate happiness, feels protected, supported and cared for. By nature, a girl cannot reveal herself to two men at the same time.

It is also impossible for a husband to have a strong family and girlfriends. If a man is heterosexual, healthy, has a lot of energy, he simply won’t be able to be friends, since he will be attached either emotionally or physically, he will like his girlfriend’s character, appearance or manners. When a man is looking for a girlfriend, his goal in communicating with her is to relax, relax, and find understanding. It becomes easier for a man to live, calmer. At home, he will no longer be so trusting with his wife; he will behave coldly.

If you are looking for an answer to whether there is friendship between a man and a woman, know that with close, confidential communication between friends of different sexes of the same age, they experience intimate attraction, even if subtle and unexpressed. Experiencing such warm, essentially loving feelings, you open your heart to him. In fact, these relationships are closer to marital than to friendship.

Friendship between a man and a woman - psychology

Friendship in its purest form as a relationship, from which the theme of gender relations, intimacy, in particular, is completely encapsulated, is possible from a psychological point of view, but in a very limited number of cases. And, in principle, undesirable.

What are the signs of friendship between a man and a woman? It exists only for lonely people, because otherwise friendship will be a provocation of jealousy and breakup.

A number of life examples show that opposite-sex friendships are accompanied by sympathy and often develop into relationships. When a girl, for example, has a boyfriend and a close friend, then at the first conflict with the guy she will begin to reach out to her friend as an understanding man who is always on her side. Perhaps she will later find in this friend consolation, affection, care and, subsequently, love. Therefore, a friend often unconsciously acts as an alternate airfield. Or an unscrupulous girl can dynamite a man, keeping him close as a friend, if he is disposed towards her as a woman, pays bills in a cafe, looks after her and patronizes her. Moreover, in return he does not receive treatment as a man, although by his actions he shows that he is counting on him. After analyzing, in the revealed motives of the girl’s behavior we will find a desire to protect ourselves from failures, a break with the current partner, often.

If a girl or guy is accustomed to such an arrangement, when they have a partner and at the same time a close friend or a girlfriend on the side, one can even consider this as a psychological structure, a chosen role model. Such a triangle unfolds well through Karpman’s theory, where one of the participants acts as a persecutor, another as a victim, and a third as a rescuer. The destructiveness of following such a model lies in the fact that the participants in the triangle necessarily change roles, which forms a vicious system.

When your relationship partner is looking for friendship with the opposite sex, this is a sign for you that you are not giving him something, it shows him what you need to work on. But the partner must also have a desire to understand his desires, engage in dialogue and strengthen, and not continue to destroy, the relationship. Or, if the relationship is young, the partners have not yet gotten used to it, everyone is as they are without changes - friends can serve as an outlet, a release, people who are on the side of each of you. However, if you continue to trust your friend more than your significant other, and get closer to your friend, the relationship will not happen, it will soon end.

Friendship between a man and a woman - the opinion of men

Men more often do not believe that friendship between a man and a woman is possible, because they have experienced its fragility from their own experience - their gender is more clearly manifested. He almost always has an intimate interest in a woman with whom a man communicates closely. Even communication with a childhood friend in adulthood develops into communication between an adult man and woman; under the right circumstances, the man will see a seductive object in his friend.

Whereas a young, romantically inclined woman may initially seek higher contact, communication, emotional intimacy, which more easily takes the form of friendship. That's why girls are drawn to friendship with guys - it has greater closeness, the degree of intimacy is higher, the relationship is intense, complementary, because they are based on the strength of the libido.

Experienced men, who themselves have encountered attempts at such friendships, are skeptical about the situation when their girlfriend trusts friendship with guys, and even if she acquires a similar friend for herself, they sometimes lose their temper and try in every possible way to end such relationships, they know that this is so their girl's so-called friend is in fact a candidate for her heart or seeks an intimate relationship. The man tries to explain this to the girl or even her friend, and starts a conversation like a man.

If a man is serious about his girlfriend, he wants her to be completely his. I don’t mean just the body, but also the soul and mind. Friendship as spiritual love takes a girl out of a relationship, leaving only intimacy with her partner, however, even that often ends over time in this format, as the woman moves away. If a girl makes a friend, she should think about the fact that on the spiritual plane she no longer loves her man and is not disposed towards him.

In countries with stricter rules and a patriarchal mentality, gender friendship does not exist as a concept. This order allows the man to reduce stress and focus on achievements. A large degree of freedom often generates, burning most of the energy in a relationship.

An idealistic attitude towards opposite-sex friendships usually goes away with age, experience shows the opposite, friendships turn out to be short-lived and are destroyed or flow into personal relationships. Moreover, girls often retain nostalgic memories of such friends and easy communication, on the basis of which there was understanding, emotional intimacy and spending time together. Since this is what a woman wants from love, friendship can be analyzed as a prelude to it. The reluctance to see sexual instinct in such friendship can only be a consequence of ignorance of oneself and the opposite sex or cunning.

A man, under the guise of friendship, often hides his sympathy for a girl, the desire to achieve her without a chance. Therefore, he agrees to be in the friend zone, hoping that the right moment for courtship will come, or the girl herself will pay attention to him. Such friendship often turns out to be the most pleasant for a girl - a man subtly looks after her, cares, is ready to help out, solve problems, while the format of the relationship does not allow him to encroach on her space or intimacy with her. At the same time, a girl can guess about the guy’s true motivation, but, while maintaining her benefits, not give up the relationship with him and not clarify it.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Friendship between a man and a woman is possible, but very often a man next to a woman only pretends to be her friend, having completely different views on her. We will not discuss the fact that a woman herself can hide her real interests at the same time - we will only discuss how to bring a man “out into the open.” So, ten signs of deception:

1. Present. The “deceiver” (a man who cleverly hides sighs under the guise of friendship) gives large, impressive, generous gifts. With this he hopes to impress your tender heart to the very depths. A true friend (a man who is interested in you precisely as a friend) gives little and modestly. As a friend.
2. Help. If a man is ready to help always and with everything, at any time of the day or night, this does not mean anything. But if over the last month he came to save you six times on the Moscow Ring Road, and three times in the dead of night, this is no accident. A man for whom you are just a friend is not ready to spend so much time on you. By the way, he also has his own woman.
3. Purchases. Does a man happily walk with you to shopping centers, happily enter every store and nod in agreement when you remember that you need a new handbag? Does he easily agree to do this every weekend? You have no friendship - he just wants to please you. A true friend behaves exactly like a friend. He spends as much time in the store as he can handle and goes out to get some fresh air. Because it is customary for friends to respect each other’s interests and not demand complete abandonment of themselves. This is how we men make friends.
4. Discussion of men. You can discuss your men with both a “deceiver” and a true friend. The difference is that the “cheater” will always take your side. He will always agree with you and say that “he just doesn’t deserve you.” This is a clever trick - even if everyone is bad, he alone is good, and sooner or later you will notice and appreciate it. A true friend will only be fair. If your man behaved like an asshole, a true friend will say exactly that. If you acted like a fool, a true friend will say so. This is true friendship.
5. Apologies. Everyone makes mistakes - they are late for a meeting, they forget to deliver what they promised, they hurt with a careless word. The difference is in the reaction. The “deceiver” rushes to repent as if he were at the Nuremberg Tribunal. He is afraid that now he will lose your trust and communication. Therefore, he is afraid of any mistake he makes, even the smallest one. A true friend will simply apologize discreetly. If the error is serious, it must be corrected. If it’s small, it’s not worth worrying about.
6. Drunk. Sometimes friends drink together. And then you can immediately see who is who. If he is a “cheater”, he will start telling you how beautiful you are and how lucky the one who will be with you will be. Then he will talk about his difficult fate. Then he'll go in for a kiss. A true friend will tell you about the upcoming elections and the prospects for hybrid engines. This is more interesting to him.
7. Attention. When you are nearby, the “deceiver” pays all his attention to you. From start to finish, you are in the center. Are you cold? Should I bring a cocktail? Did you notice that picture over there? You look great, by the way! A true friend remembers that besides you, there is also him. Therefore, you will get exactly half of his attention.
8. Women. A true friend is interested in other women in your company, he is curious about the idea “you need to meet Nastya!” (if, of course, he is free). The “deceiver” rejects all proposals - softly or harshly, but always definitively.
9. Communication. A true friend communicates with you like a real friend - relatively rarely, and more often not face to face, but through remote channels (ICQ, telephone, VKontakte). This is because he has other interests, among which he distributes his attention. The “deceiver’s” main interest is you. Therefore, he is ready to spend as much time with you as possible.
10. Sex. The “cheater” wants sex with you, but is afraid that you will understand it. Therefore, he proves in every possible way that he is interested in you not as a woman, but as a person. A true friend remembers that you are a woman and, in principle, allows sex between you, but “in some special case.” He is interested in you, first of all, as a person.

If you can clearly identify three or more points in a man’s behavior, you have a “cheater” in front of you. Next, it’s up to you to decide. In fact, a man’s interest in you as a woman is not a minus for a man at all, and rather speaks of his good taste. Well, and the fact that he hides this interest of his - think about it, maybe it’s too dangerous to discover him next to you?

Why are some women more comfortable being friends with men? A man is friends with a woman psychology

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? A clear answer to this question has never been found. But what to do if a man offered to be friends at a time when he should have offered a closer relationship?

Do you love him?

First of all, you must understand yourself and understand whether you love this person. It would seem what this has to do with the offer of friendship. In fact, a lot depends on the truthful answer to this question; you will be able to sort out your feelings. You can know a person for a long time, but still not decide whether you like him, and if a man wants to be friends, why not agree to it , there’s nothing bad about it. Even if in the end you don’t become a couple in love, remaining friends, then this is how it should have been.

But if you have already fallen in love with this man, then everything may turn out differently. If a guy makes a friend request, then this means that, as a girl, he is not interested in you. In such a situation, when a man is friends with a woman, psychology tends to believe that the girl can bear this very hard; it will be difficult for her to see her beloved guy dating others, especially if these girls are also friends. Surely she would be better off without this friendship.

Why is a man friends with a woman?

It is very important to find the real reason that pushed a man to propose friendship instead of a romantic relationship.

This can be caused by a number of factors, the most common being:

• The man already has a girlfriend, at the moment he still cannot part with her.
• He might like you, but he's not ready for a relationship yet. He is still afraid to be responsible for the family, which can form very quickly after the start of a romantic relationship.
• Communication with you can be interesting for a man, he likes to spend time together, however, he does not consider you as a girl.
• The guy may still not understand himself, so he offers you friendship for a while.
• He might even turn out to be gay. This, of course, may shock the girl, but it happens.

Once you understand the true reasons for a man’s actions, you can talk about what should be done and what actions should be avoided:

You should come to terms with friendship and continue searching for your true soulmate.

Don’t reproach yourself because a man didn’t love you; you can’t destroy and oppress yourself by doing so. After all, you are a beautiful girl, you have a lot of advantages and advantages. You need to forget that you once wanted to create a strong family with this guy. Look for a person who will truly love you.

A man who offers friendship will definitely return to you, you will have an excellent relationship if he really loves you. Before this, you shouldn’t fill your head with unnecessary thoughts, you should wait, let the guy figure it out for himself first.

Note that when a woman offers friendship instead of a romantic relationship, this means that she needs time to take a closer look at the man, she is ready to be friends, and, perhaps, will soon move on to a more serious relationship. But when a man does this, he does not want the relationship to continue, and, most likely, this will not happen. Does the man love or be friends? How to distinguish friendship from love?

Sometimes we love our friends so much that we can’t even express it in words. But we also love our relatives, but we don’t always want to be friends with them. Many people have friends who are closer than family. This is not affected by time or distance. However, there are mistakes that even your best friend cannot forgive. At the same time, a loving person will always be able to understand. Otherwise, we are dealing only with passion, although this is also part of love. Passion can blind, a person may not see the truth, while at the same time, it will be enough for a friend to look into the eyes to understand. Often, we cannot determine whether we love a person, or are simply strong friends. These concepts have many similarities, but there are also significant differences. Therefore, it is worth considering the main similarities and differences so that you can finally understand your feelings.

Similarities of Friendship and Love

Friends always have something in common. It's comfortable with a friend. You can discuss any topic with him, share secrets. In love everything is exactly the same.

True friends will be together even if they quarrel. Resentment does not mean that a person will die. It's the same in love. Even if you quarrel, you will almost immediately begin to think about how to make peace as quickly as possible. Even the slightest separation leads to melancholy. We cannot live without our loved one.

We can turn to our loved one with any problem in life, he will always listen and give advice. A true friend will do the same.

A friend will always protect you, just like a loved one.

Love means accepting you for who you are, despite your shortcomings. A friend won't force you to change either.

Difference between friendship and love

Even after parting with a friend (for example, you moved to another city), communication with him will not stop. The friendship between you will always be maintained. Loving people try not to part with their soulmate. You must be constantly nearby. Has your loved one been offered a job in another city? There are two ways out: he will refuse or you will go with him. If someone shows sympathy for your friend, you will only be happy for him. But, if this happens to a loved one, jealousy arises.

Finding a friend means meeting practically a brother, a person similar to you. To love means to find your soulmate who completes you.

Therefore, in order to understand whether it is love or friendship, try to understand the mentioned criteria as honestly as possible. Listen to yourself and you will understand everything.

kra100ka.ru

Male friend? Or love on the mountain

This article is a continuation of the article “How to understand that he likes you,” so I recommend reading it first, otherwise not everything may be clear.

If we repeat the life rule that I cited in the previous article, a woman can be friends with a man, a man simply never “befriends” a woman. In other words, a male friend for a woman is something that does not happen in the world, and if it does happen, then it is such a rarity, like the “Bigfoot” that everyone has heard about, but no one has seen for themselves.

But what to do if the “friendship” drags on? What to do if a male friend has been “friends” with a woman for many months or even years and does not make any attempts to transform the relationship into a deeper one? (Naturally, if the woman wants it).

A little story first.

An old Indian is talking to a young man. They are sitting on the shore of a beautiful lake. A young Indian asks: “Have you loved anyone very much”? The old Indian naturally waited a while and took a few puffs on his pipe before answering. (This is how old Indians are supposed to behave, not brats. You need to pretend that you are thinking, even if you know the answer in advance).

So, the old Indian, taking several puffs on his pipe, began to say:

Once upon a time, when I was 16 springs, I often came to the shore of this lake. And then one day on the hill that you see in front of us, I saw a beautiful girl. She stood in that place, looking at the lake and the sun. At this time, the wind blew her long beautiful hair. And the sun was shining, and her young body was visible through the dress.

I fell madly in love with this girl. I thought and dreamed about her all the time. I began to come to the shore of this lake more often, and the girl also came several times, and I looked at her. It was the strongest and only love in my life.

Having told his story, the Indian fell silent, pulled a mask of indifference over his face, as befits an old Indian, and continued smoking his pipe.

The young Indian, as befits a young Indian, listened to this story without interruption. When the old Indian fell silent, he sat patiently without asking. But five minutes passed, then some more time, and the young Indian realized that the story was over.

Then, having overcome Indian traditions that do not allow men to show excessive curiosity, he asked the old Indian: “Did you approach the girl and get to know her?”

The old Indian said: “That was the strongest love, because I did not approach the girl.”

This is a completely true story that I have heard several times from Indians. (Don't ask me where I found two Indians in Russia).

Well, more seriously and closer to the point, what does this story have to do with transforming a protracted “friendship” between a man and a woman into a deeper relationship? The most direct. In the life of almost every man there is such a story.

At a certain age, men do not need real love and a real relationship with a girl. Fantasies and sometimes seeing his “love” are enough for him. I conventionally call such relationships “on the mountain.” (That is, seeing a girl somewhere there, on a mountain, is enough for a man).

Of course, a man begins to grow up, both in terms of his calendar age and in emotional maturity, and he no longer understands why he needs a girl “on the mountain.” He wants a woman who will be next to him, with whom he will build his family, etc. In a few years, even if he meets a girl “from the mountain,” he may not show much interest in her.

However, not all men mature at the same rate as their calendar age, especially in our time. Men like to get “stuck” both at a certain age, or in a certain phase of a relationship, and in life in general.

And this man-friend is stuck in some phase of a relationship “on the rocks”, friendship, platonic love, or whatever you call it, it doesn’t matter. All the signs of falling in love are there. A male friend often thinks about his love. If he even has women, it’s only for sex, and then he quickly breaks up with them. If a man is not allowed too close (almost daily communication and visits to a woman’s home), then he can significantly change himself, his character, and achieve certain successes in order to please this woman.

Everything is fine, but the relationship is not moving, even if the woman is not against further development.

You get the feeling that he even likes it there, “near the mountain.” A male friend is “friends” with a woman, loves her (or so it seems to him), helps her and, it would seem, is happy with everything.

However, is this a suitable model for a woman? For most, not so much.

Firstly, having a male “friend” scares away 90% or even more of suitors.

I am now writing about this in detail in a new book. Explaining to other men that this is just a “friend” is useless. Women know that there is simply friendship between a man and a woman. Men (potential suitors) don’t know this and will never believe it, no matter how much they are assured.

Even for an already more or less established relationship, having a male friend poses a significant danger. Absolutely unnecessary jealousy, quarrels, etc. will constantly arise because of such a “friend”.

Secondly, if a woman would like to transfer the relationship with her “friend” to a deeper one, then this may not be so easy to do.

More precisely, if a man’s “friend” is friends with a woman for several weeks or a couple of months, then all right. Usually the transition is carried out without any problems. What if it’s already been many months or years? Then the man is firmly stuck in some phase of the relationship and is difficult to move.

And the main thing is that the presence of this seemingly loving man prevents a woman from living a normal life. A woman in this situation wants the relationship (man) to somehow be determined, either there or back. That is, for the man to either leave or start courting normally. Otherwise, if in such a situation you wait until the man makes up his mind, then you can grow old.

What to do in such a situation?

When I wrote the first part of this article, I mentioned the sign of “friendship”. My main task was precisely for women to learn somewhere that men are not friends with women for no reason. And knowing this sign already at the first stages of such a “friendship”, and in 99% of cases, a man’s attempts to get to know each other better either sent him, or understood what exactly the man needed and, accordingly, would structure his behavior.

However, I receive letters asking me what to do if a male friend has already been “stuck” for several months or years in his “friendship” with a woman? What should I do so that he starts courting, but the usual techniques do not work (coquetry, touching, etc.)?

The question is not as simple as it seems. My long life shows that not so many women managed to solve it successfully, despite its apparent simplicity. After all, it would seem that nothing could be simpler. A man loves a woman, a woman likes a man, they can communicate well and 90% is already done. Just a little bit left, one last throw and everything will be fine.

However, if you do not take into account very young men (who simply grow up and naturally leave this phase), and male friends with whom friendships have only been for a couple of months, then it is usually easier for a woman to break up with this man, then find a new one and build with him relationship again.

I will give just a couple of examples of what did work.

The first technique is a sharp increase in distance.

Suitable only for those men who have not yet moved into a woman’s house. Such a man often communicates with a woman, and a temporary break with him, perhaps (don’t get your hopes up), can lead to some results. The approximate time frame for breaking a relationship is 2-4 weeks. During this time, do not communicate with a man at all, not by phone, not in person, not by email.

The second technique is shock or shaking.

I am talking about this technique not because I am a supporter of its use in relationships between people. I also assume that you have previously used all available soft means (coquetry, temporary breakup, touching, etc.).

However, sometimes nothing works. But the relationship itself is not built, and the woman loses time, confidence and opportunities to meet other men. (Just as a man loses time, by the way).

In this case, the woman, in general, has nothing to lose. You need to decide by any means with a man either there or back. For a man, any certainty is also better. (Usually male friends suffer quite a lot and get jealous). And in this case, you can use a shake-up in the relationship. After all, in any case it will only get better. If a man leaves, that’s good; if he stays and a relationship begins, that’s also good. Nothing will happen for many years and everything will not go back and forth – it will be bad.

I repeat that the use of techniques such as shaking is highly discouraged in ordinary relationships, as it can lead to their rupture.

So, how to shake a male friend?

Option number one is to involve a man in solving your existing or imagined critical situation. Attraction must be very active and forceful. That is, it is necessary that in order to resolve your situation, he needs to not only sympathize, but look for huge (for him) money, try to ask for something or demand more than he was previously capable of, do something unfamiliar in a very forced mode and etc.

At the same time, you need to not take the enormous pressure off the man. Cry, tell him to do something (“Well, do something, you’re a man” and you can shake him or cry at the same time). Do not lower your blood pressure for several days or weeks until the situation resolves. Call him yourself, ask how things are going. Don’t try to do something yourself, your job is to cry and look with hope at your male friend and ask “What’s there”?

Then, when the situation is resolved, thank and hug. Tell him that you didn’t even imagine that he was capable of this. If everything was done correctly and within 2-3 weeks the male friend did nothing, then this is most likely a hopeless option.

Second option. Give him a hard time.

Erase his favorite computer toy (unless it is really important), spill coffee on his documents, drop something heavy on his leg (in moderation, not to the point of breaking it), do something else. (I won’t give you any more examples, otherwise you’ll say later that I’m provoking you to do bad things).

Then, together with the man (if possible), try to correct the troubles caused (without feeling guilty). Provide medical assistance (bring ice or something else), apologize, patiently endure the man’s heap of justified indignation (most likely, you will learn a lot of new things about your “male friend”).

Well, that’s it, I wrote how to deal with “stuck” men. I wrote even more than I wanted.

In total, there are essentially three options. The first is to simply break up and look for a new man. Not as bad an option as it might seem. The second is that you can simply enhance feminine charm. Flirtatize, create situations with physical contact, if communication is intense, then interrupt it for a while. But such behavior with men who are “stuck” for many months does not always work. The third option is to shake up the relationship and the male friend a little. This option requires some self-confidence, no fear of losing such a relationship with a man, and a little imagination.

Take the option that suits you best, come up with your own (write to me about them and the results you get) and you will definitely succeed.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

www.sun-hands.ru

If a man wants a woman, he begins to be friends with her. Why? | Man and woman

You can think of something more beautiful: “I fell in love with you, that’s why I want you!” That's right, girls like this interpretation more. What actually is the basis of friendship and love?

First, some definitions. What is friendship?

I want to say right away that there is no clear definition, and probably there cannot be one. Let me start with this:

“FRIENDSHIP is one of the types of personal relationships. Unlike functional, business relationships, where one person uses the other as a means to achieve some goal, friendship is valuable in itself, it is a good in itself; friends help each other selflessly, “not for service, but for friendship.”

Unlike consanguinity, family closeness and from partnership, the members of which are bound by common belonging and bonds of group solidarity, friendship is individually selective, free and based on mutual sympathy.

Unlike superficial friendship, friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, implying not only fidelity and mutual assistance, but also inner closeness, frankness, trust, and love. It’s not for nothing that we call a friend our alter ego (“another self”).

By the nature of its motivation, friendship also differs from love-erotic, sexual feelings and relationships.” Encyclopedia "Around the World".

Everything comes together in this definition: self-worth, sympathy, selflessness, intimacy, trust, love. Let's look at it from the point of view of relationship psychology. Photo: Depositphotos

Friendship is valuable in itself, it is a blessing in itself; friends help each other selflessly, “not for service, but for friendship.” There is a suspicion that this formulation is a common romantic cliche, beautiful, strong, glorified in films, poems and novels, but far from reality.

Not every friendship is a blessing, and in itself it is worth nothing without being filled with specific actions, deeds, as well as an understanding of the motives for these actions. There is no more common manipulation than the phrase “not for service, but for friendship,” for example: “Take my mother-in-law to the airport.” It seems like a friend, it’s not convenient to refuse, I’ll take you. This phrase refers to the learned cliche - you should always help a friend.

So at one party in a club, one young man approached another and asked to keep a small bag in his pocket, otherwise the riot police would come, he explained, because I have a criminal record, “not for service, but for friendship,” we are friends. The second friend took the package, and, accordingly, was imprisoned for eight years for possession and distribution of narcotic drugs on an especially large scale. That's right, a friend needed help.

The phrase “friends help each other selflessly” sounds beautiful and convincing. Yes, as a rule, they don’t take money, but they know: today I will selflessly help you, and tomorrow you will help me. If one constantly disinterestedly provides services, and the other does nothing in return, then complaints appear: you are a bad friend.

In other words, there is an exchange of mutually beneficial services, and if such an exchange is honest, then good, people are disinterestedly friends, and if not, then the friendship may end. Why have a friend who is unreliable, that is, there is no hope of receiving help or support from him in return. Therefore, the word “selflessly” implies a simple truth: friends do not do good deeds for money, but they hope for reciprocal services. Photo: Depositphotos

“Friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, implying not only fidelity and mutual assistance, but also inner closeness, frankness, trust, love.”

Everything is fine, all that remains is to define what “loyalty”, “internal intimacy”, “frankness”, “trust”, “love” are. It is not at all clear how friendship presupposes love. Which one?

There are many types of love. One can assume - friendly love, but then, first, you again need to define “love” and then formulate how friendly differs from unfriendly (probably enemy).

Why do we need definitions that raise more questions than answers?

Here's a shorter one.

Friendship is “close relationships based on mutual trust, affection, and common interests” (Ozhegov’s Explanatory Dictionary).

Let's look at that too. Close relationships are an intuitive cliche, but I wonder how the closeness of a relationship is measured? Is there a degree of intimacy and when does it cease to be so?

With trust it is clearer, this is the belief that what is said and entrusted to a friend will not be used to harm the speaker. Attachment is dependence on any benefits, mental, material, emotional, that another person gives. Often attachments are painful. If a friend stops feeding him emotional experiences, is he no longer a friend? Is it possible to make a claim now? Photo: Depositphotos

Common interests are probably the most accurate thing that defines friendship, and the most widespread. Friendship usually emerges from common interests. Sports, music, joint recreation, etc. This implies some activity that unites people, they are interested together, but a common cause is not an unconditional and sufficient basis for friendship. You can meet once a week, play football and not be friends.

Total: Friendship is a type of personal relationship that implies a community of interests, mutual trust, exchange of services - mutual assistance.

I think that in further discussion it is correct to proceed from this definition, since it at least somehow describes friendship, and most importantly, it is clear what it gives, in particular, to a young man who wants a girl.

I wrote a definition, and how pleased it was to discover that François La Rochefoucauld agreed with me:

“What people usually call friendship is, in essence, only an alliance, the purpose of which is the mutual preservation of benefits and the exchange of good services; the most disinterested friendship is nothing more than a deal in which our pride always expects to win something.”

A young man makes friends with a desired girl in the hope of getting sex, for which he needs to establish trust, provide services, and find common interests. For example, going to the cinema, the theater - joint activities and common interests, sitting at home over a cup of tea (martini) - creating trust, then there could be a friendly massage. Well, then the friendship ends and now they are not friends, but lovers. Photo: Depositphotos

In other words, all the actions of a young man formally fall under the definition of friendship, but, in essence, are a way of obtaining the desired body. After all, there is nothing better than friendship that ends in sex, and most importantly, the girl is happy. There is always a reason to say: he did everything himself, I was friends with him, and he...

As if for a young lady, sex after friendship is a surprise. Sometimes you can add theatrical emotions, for example: “he insidiously seduced me, who was trusting...”, “I didn’t even think he was like that...”, “I didn’t know what I was doing, I trusted him so much...”, etc. But these are all lamentations are possible if the girl does not want to continue having sex with the young man, and if both are satisfied with everything, then love begins.

Many men intuitively understand that sex can be achieved faster through friendship. And girls like friendship more when starting a relationship, because it gives many mental benefits, plus a feeling of security - he’s just a friend.

One girl I know regularly “makes friends” with various young men and, by a strange coincidence, ends up in bed with them - either for a massage or just to spend the night. The strategy is very profitable, and here’s why: she seems to have a permanent man with whom she has sex regularly, but on the other hand, she is always looking for other partners, so she “naively” begins to be friends with different young people.

You can always tell your “regular” partner - this is my friend! You can even be frank: “Yes, he wants me, but I don’t.” But it’s more pleasant for her to realize that such behavior is not called the word that folk art bestows on such girls, but is quite normal - friendship. And even if she ends up in bed, then excuse me, I was honestly friends, and he... The theatrical production of “seduced the innocent me” begins.

Thus, friendship can still be considered as a game in the relationship between a man and a woman, where both understand its meaning and essence. But since each party is satisfied with this, then the relationship in the couple will continue: he wants her, begins to be friends, she doesn’t seem to want him, but friendship is a benefit, and a selfless one at that, so why not?

Friendship between a man and a woman: what is it? Does friendship exist between a man and a woman? Her version: Is there friendship between a man and a woman? His version

shkolazhizni.ru

In every person’s social circle there is at least one woman who prefers to be friends with the opposite sex and avoids friendship with women. The first thought that creeps into the head is that this woman is clearly looking for male attention and, flirting with her interlocutor, hopes for continued communication in in the form of an affair or, at a minimum, flirtation.

What really happens between a woman and her male friends? In a male company, a woman can feel light and free. She does not need to pretend, squeeze out a fake smile, and look for double meaning in the words of her interlocutor. You can be completely sure that your male friend will never say anything nasty. For example, that the outfit was chosen poorly, the appearance leaves much to be desired, and the new boyfriend is a completely worthless guy.

Men in such relationships with women can only be content with the role of a friend. Although, naturally, initially, a woman most likely attracts a man in terms of a more intimate relationship than just a friendly one. But the framework of communication established by a woman does not allow a man to cross the line of what is permitted and, thus, the relationship between a woman and a man proceeds only in a friendly direction. The woman is quite happy with this circumstance, but the female part of her environment is perplexed and asks the question: why is it so easy and pleasant for her to be friends with the opposite sex?

Negative experience

The desire to be friends exclusively with men may be a consequence of negative experiences of friendship with women. As a result, a communication barrier arises, that is, a person is unable to communicate with other people and understand them; pleasant emotions from friendship are replaced exclusively by irritation and anger. Perhaps a woman who prefers male company has recently or in the distant past had a negative experience when communicating with the female sex. Resentment towards friends becomes a cause of disappointment in female friendships and in women in general. In this case, all that remains is the opportunity to be friends with men.

Women with a masculine mindset

It is easier to communicate with representatives of the stronger sex specifically for those women whose character and mentality are different from those typically feminine and more characteristic of a man. Communication of such women with other ladies is very problematic, because... representatives of their sex can hardly be interesting with their eternal conversations about fashion, clothes, diets, men and the like. Like men, practical and rational women prefer to communicate with men on what they think are more important topics. For example, you can talk about science, politics or technology.

Competition in sorority

Another fairly common reason for a woman to avoid the company of her sex is the need to protect herself from competition from other women. Obviously, if a woman is surrounded by no other representatives of her sex, then there is no need to worry that some woman is better in one capacity or another. This means there is no need to improve oneself. That is, in a male company, the only woman will be perceived equally well by men, regardless of her appearance, because there is no one to compare her with.

The reasons why a woman limits herself in communicating with other women can be different. But whatever they are, a woman impoverishes her life. You can protect you from negative emotions, but at the same time, you also lose the positive ones that a woman definitely receives when communicating with her friends. If you think about it, only a woman truly understands the problems of another woman, can sympathize with her, give advice when her friend is not getting along with her boyfriend, can help choose a hairstyle for the evening, suggest which dress looks better in the store. And is it possible to talk to your heart’s content with a male friend about your other friends and girlfriends over a cup of tea? Therefore, an absolute refusal to communicate with one of the sexes negatively affects any person. And a woman should not turn away from friendly and positive friends.

www.garmoniazhizni.com

principles and rules for building relationships

Discussions about whether a man can be a friend to a representative of the fairer sex have been going on since ancient times. How should these two behave so that their relationship is interpreted correctly? And why is it sometimes very difficult to be friends with representatives of different sexes?

Why is there a need to establish friendly relations between a man and a woman? There are many reasons.

• Common interests. Hobbies about one topic of research, hobby, type of tourism, cultural preferences become an excellent basis not only for communication, but also for gaining friendship;
• Differences in temperament. It is believed that it allows you to build smooth and stable relationships.
• Desire to know the opposite sex. People may subconsciously feel the need to research potential partners so that they can better influence others in developing romantic relationships.
• The desire to win the person you like in this way. The process of transition from friendship to love may not always proceed smoothly, but it’s worth a try.
• Lack of competition. The good thing about opposite-sex relationships is that there is no competition in appearance or success. There is no reason to argue who has a better boyfriend/girlfriend, richer, etc.

This is not a complete list. There are individual situations that push the opposite sex to establish friendship. A great option if a woman is not sexually attracted to a man. A friend can even be gay, as long as the lady can respect him.

What can interfere with friendship?

Obstacles to establishing contact or breaking it are the result of various reasons:

• Friends and acquaintances on both sides can make fun of such relationships, driving one into the face with questions: “Why are you still friends with her (him)? Is this something more?
• A loved one on one side or the other is constantly jealous, without hiding his feelings. This situation is quite natural, especially if friendship arises during an existing relationship.
• A friend may feel a strong attraction, which will be obvious to the other party. Doubts about the sincerity of friendly feelings in both men and women can provoke distance.
• Changes in interests or conditions of socialization. This is typical for any friendship. If a woman becomes a mother or moves to another city, maintaining a warm and trusting relationship with her will become more difficult.
• Transformation into colleagues or a superior-subordinate pair. Often turns of fate lead to a friend becoming a leader. Separating personal from business is difficult, and not everyone is capable of this. This can ultimately lead to the loss of trusting and warm relationships.

Nothing should stand in the way of true friendship. The ability to preserve these feelings and carry them through the years is true talent and hard work. If you can no longer be friends, it means that the relationship was not so strong and sincere.

Principles for building friendship with a man

A woman has always been interested in how representatives of the opposite sex can be friends. To establish such a relationship, you need to take into account the following features of the strong half of humanity and recommendations:

• Men don't like to wait. Therefore, you need to come to meetings on time and call at the promised time.
• There is no need to be overly emotional. It has been proven that representatives of the stronger half of humanity are less verbose and sensual. You will have to adapt to these features if the lady wants to earn friendship.
• Do not be overly interested in the details of your personal life and discussions of the intimate side of past and present love relationships. Such questions may not form the best opinion about the lady. When the time comes, he himself will tell everything he wants.
• Act like a smart guy. Such behavior in practice quickly allows you to win over a representative of the opposite sex. It’s great if the lady knows the results of football or hockey matches, doesn’t ask for heavy things, and is ready to go on a random trip. You just need to be sure that this is exactly how a man wants to see a woman friend.
• Do not provoke the emergence of a love interest. Excessive exposed parts of the body, appearing in one robe when opening the door to a person of the opposite sex can cause a different natural reaction, not friendship at all. If a man decides that they are trying to charm him, he may begin to avoid communication.
• Don't make a scandal if he forgot his birthday or other important date. It is unlikely that a true friend will miss the holiday, but at the stage of building a relationship this may well happen. If a woman wants to develop friendly feelings, she will have to accept such facts.
• A friend is not obligated to constantly emphasize a woman’s virtues. He is able to criticize her, to which the lady must respond adequately. Good advice won't hurt anyone. There is no need to count on endless worship and admiration. Although psychologically all ladies are designed in such a way that they long to be on a pedestal and feel desired. In this case, you need to understand why you should be friends with a man.
• A man does not like criticism towards himself, as well as towards his dear people. Creating doubts in those he likes will create a reason to think that he needs to choose between two close people. This will not benefit the friendship.

The list goes on for a long time. It is important that the basic principles are followed. Those who have been friends for many years note that over time, more and more prohibitions are lifted. This strengthens the relationship even more.

What are the benefits of mixed friendships?

For those who do not understand why mixed friendships arise, we can demonstrate a number of its advantages.

• Such relationships are more comfortable from a psychological point of view. Due to the difference in logic and psychology, many questions are removed if friendship has already been built.
• For those who are lonely, a friend can visually replace the absence of a partner. This allows you to avoid giving others a reason to recognize the lady as a loser.
• The format allows you to better study the habits and psychology of your partner, which improves relationships within the family. If you already have a spouse, his brother’s view of the situation allows you to more successfully resolve conflict or confusing situations.
• There is rarely a reason for envy, because... any differences are easily attributed to gender. Making friends without envy is much easier.
• You can always call upon masculine power to solve complex issues. Repairs, moving, heavy things, car breakdown - a friend is less useful here. This does not mean that a woman should take advantage of a man. But the friendship bonus is nice.

Such relationships also have disadvantages. It must be remembered that by surrounding herself with such friends, the lady deprives other gentlemen of the opportunity to express themselves. If she is not married, there is a risk of being lonely.

Unfriendly signs

If a woman is unsure whether a member of the opposite sex wants to be friends with her, she can check it out. There are signs that can reveal a man's true plans.

• A friend constantly speaks negatively about a lady’s likes. Especially in relation to other men.
• He does not introduce her to his other friends, female acquaintances, or relatives.
• He calmly withstands all the whims, although it is obvious that they can be very unpleasant for him.
• He tries to please in everything, shows a lot of attention, like a man, even when he is not asked for it.
• He is embarrassed to change clothes in front of a lady and may ask her to leave the room.
• It’s easier for him to “be friends via SMS” than to communicate in person. Has difficulty looking into the eyes when asked about his true feelings.
• Gives many gifts under various pretexts.

If a woman has doubts about the sincerity of male friendship, she should analyze why this person appeared in her life. Assess in what capacity she would like to see him. Perhaps she provokes unfriendly behavior herself.

Those who have acquired such relationships as a gift will, over time, become friends at home. After all, it’s easier to explain to family members why friends of the opposite sex are needed when there are clear examples. The more open and transparent this relationship is for others, the easier it is to carry it through life.

legkopolezno.ru

Why is a man friends with a woman and what is behind this friendship?

If we are talking about an age when the blood no longer boils in the veins, then this is possible. But it is unlikely that this age worries women and men who are full of strength and energy. During the “marriage” period, the opposite sex is looked at somewhat differently.

Representatives of the stronger half of humanity, when asked why a man is friends with a woman and whether such a relationship is even possible, answer either with a categorical “no” or remain silent. Psychologists are also skeptical about the chances of friendship between a man and a woman. True, you can hear a positive answer from some women. Are they right in this case?

The first version of friendship between a man and a woman

The girl has a beloved boyfriend or husband. Who will she tell about her problems - a “friend” or a loved one? The answer is probably clear.

The girl’s “friend” has problems, he calls her and asks for advice, a meeting for help, and at this time she is preparing for a romantic date, sex or communication with her loved one. How will she respond to her “friend’s” request? A polite refusal that she is busy right now and doesn’t have time. But what about the common phrase - “friendship is a 24-hour concept”?

Let's consider the same situation from a man's point of view. The guy has a beloved, and he solves the problems of his “girlfriend,” spends his free time with her and always rushes to help her. Is this situation real? Yes, but if a man likes his “girlfriend” and he wouldn’t mind having sex with her in the future. But somehow sex doesn’t fit with the concept of friendship!

The second option for developing relations

And why does a man be friends with a woman, while remaining free from any other relationships “on the side?” If a girl is not attracted to a man, will he waste his time on her and delve into her problems? It is unlikely that he will most likely start looking for an attractive partner.

The same can be said about the girl. Well, she doesn’t like the guy, so why would she waste her time on him? If a girl says, let’s remain friends, you need to understand - you’re not right for me, I’m going to find someone else for a serious relationship!

Option three

Young people are friends because they clearly sympathize with each other. Well, how long will they just like each other? How will this end? The answer is obvious - LOVE!

Let's face it

Of course, friendship between a man and a woman has become the topic of a huge number of aphorisms. The 18th century English writer Charles Caleb Colton once said:

“Friendship often ends in love, but love rarely ends in friendship.”

The French moralist J. Labruyère wrote the following words:

“Time strengthens friendship, but weakens love.”

Let's not argue with wise writers and philosophers, but simply take their word for it.

Confidence in friendship between representatives of different sexes is self-deception. Only women believe in this, and it is they who suffer from such “friendship”. Therefore, dear girls, do not seek friendship with men! Seek their love!!!

Post navigation

my-ledi.ru

Friendship between a man and a woman - signs of deception

The question of friendship between a man and a woman continues to remain relevant. Many people still don’t believe that a woman and a man can be friends. Why? After all, boys and girls are friends with each other in childhood. Why can’t there be friendship between adults of different sexes? The stories of many friends of different sexes make us think about what signs can be used to identify deception and the illusion of friendship.

Many people do not believe that there can be friendship between a man and a woman. The reason for this is the many examples of friends who actually deceive each other and those around them. Friends often treat each other differently in words. This is why friendship between the sexes is not taken seriously, although it really can exist.

Sometimes friends deceive not so much those around them as they deceive each other. For example, a man has loving feelings for a woman, but offers friendship in order to have at least some access to her. Sometimes women offer friendship to men in order to remain in their lives. People offer friendship so as not to lose touch with those they really love or want to build a loving relationship with. Due to the fact that there are so many such examples, people no longer believe in friendship between a man and a woman.

The presence or absence of friendship between the sexes can be recognized. These signs are clear and allow you to tell how friends really feel about each other. The women's site prettysecrets.ru provides this information not only to those who want to expose false friendships, but also to those who notice ambiguous friendly actions on the part of their friends.

Is the man friends or in love?

When talking about love relationships, people inevitably say the word “love”. People must love. But why are there so many cases where men (and women too) cheat on each other? They are in loving relationships, most of them have a family. But this does not guarantee that no one will cheat. Only a few truly love. The rest just have relationships.

Although we are talking about the male half, the same can be said about women. But since the stronger sex is less emotional than the weaker sex, it can more often build relationships with those it does not love.

Go to top

The man is friends

A man most often befriends a woman, not loves her. He is friends with all people. But since he is attracted to women, he makes friends with men, and supposedly builds love relationships with women. In fact, he only knows how to make friends. Such a concept as love is not familiar to a reasonable, thinking and realistically looking at the world individual. If you have chosen just such a partner, then know that he is friends with you.

Friendship in the male understanding is a strong feeling. If a man makes friends with a woman, it will last for a long time. But he cannot experience love simply because he looks at the world realistically. He earns money, reacts calmly to stressful situations, understands the need to solve problems and not suffer because of them. This realistic approach leads to the understanding that love as such does not exist.

A woman should understand that a relationship is being built with her only because a man is sexually attracted to her. Only the difference in genital organs and the opportunity to obtain sexual pleasure allow a reasonable man to do more than just be friends with a woman. He cannot sleep with men, but he can sleep with women. However, he treats all his close people the same - in a friendly way.

Go to top

A man loves

There are those who really love. He is friends with men, and loves women exactly as they write songs and make films about it. What kind of man is this? He can be called dreamy, romantic, infantile and weak. Such an individual will promise mountains and stars, but will not be able to cope with real life problems. He will make promises but not keep them. Such a man is a storyteller who wants to live in a utopia that simply cannot exist in the real world.

A man who loves is often full of complexes, shortcomings, and lacks self-confidence. Love arises as a need to compensate for one’s own shortcomings. There is something in a woman that he lacks, so he falls in love with her, or rather, becomes dependent on her.

Male love is an addiction that arises from complexes, feelings of guilt, inferiority, shortcomings, etc. A woman becomes the addition that a man so lacks. The more ideal a partner complements, the more deeply he loves her.

Go to top

Can a confident and mentally healthy man love?

The question arises: are all loving men mentally disabled, and those who are healthy are not capable of love? It should be noted that love is an uncertain concept. The kind of love that people usually sing and talk about is impossible for a self-confident person to love. You can feel respect, be friends, appreciate another person. But loving without memory, suffering and humiliating yourself is something a healthy man will not do.

A reasonable, successful and self-confident individual can love, but this will be manifested in respect, friendship and good-natured attitude, equality and the desire to be together. There will be no fireworks of feelings, romance, rose petals or poetic declarations of love. A man will love in a friendly way, giving freedom to himself and his woman. Partners will be equal, calm and self-sufficient.

Go to top

Signs of an unfriendly relationship

How to understand that a man actually loves you and is not friends with you. Since the stronger sex skillfully disguises its feelings and sometimes openly declares false emotions, you should clearly understand what signs indicate an unfriendly relationship.

A man experiences something more than just friendship if:

1. Gives you gifts. Where have you seen friends give each other gifts? Of course, you can give a little surprise for your birthday. However, much depends on the price of the gift itself. Friends usually give each other inexpensive gifts. If a man gives a woman expensive gifts, and presents them quite often, this is no longer a friendly relationship. Another sign can be called gifts made with one’s own hand. No friend will waste his time to give a gift to a friend with his own hands just like that.
2. Pays for you. Of course, there are situations when friends pay for others. However, this often happens both ways: first a friend paid for you, and the next time you pay for a friend. If you mutually pay for each other, then this is friendship, but if a man constantly wants to pay for you, this already speaks of more than just friendship.
3. Interested in your personal life. Believe me, it is not interesting to listen to how a woman spends time with her lovers. Men would rather talk about some TV series than about the love affairs of their girlfriends. However, if a friend becomes jealous of his girlfriend, he is constantly interested in her successes and meetings with other men, he asks everything meticulously, most likely, we are talking about love.
4. Always ready to help. Undoubtedly, friends are ready to help each other. However, this usually happens when a friend needs to be saved from something or has gotten into serious trouble. If we are talking about something simple and ordinary, then loving people are always ready to help. This is where the male friend reveals his true feelings.
5. Wants to communicate often. Friends communicate a lot and often. However, a loving person wants to communicate daily, many times and over time. Unless he is a lonely person, then his desire to talk with a woman as much and as often as possible on any topic (often about nothing) indicates love feelings.
6. Forgives everything. Friends will never hold back their emotions. A quarrel between them is not a reason for separation. They can either have a row or make peace again. Moreover, everyone will defend their position so fiercely that one can say that they are not afraid of losing friendship. The one who loves will restrain himself from showing negative emotions. After all, if he suddenly goes too far, he may lose his “girlfriend,” and he cannot allow this. This is no longer friendship, but something more.
7. Provokes situations of solitude. If you suddenly notice that quite often your “friend” provokes situations where you are left alone, this may indicate something.
8. Doesn't hold onto his feelings. A loving “friend” can hug you, kiss you, and lean against you. This will not look friendly, but loving.
9. Acts stupid when drunk. Let us remember the saying that “what is on the sober mind is on the tongue of the drunk.” If your friend really loves you, then in a state of intoxication he may begin to do things that indicate his feelings of love. They should not be written off as stupidity or nonsense. Most likely, they are true manifestations of feelings.

go to top

What to do with a friend in love?

If a woman notices signs of love in her male friend, then she will feel awkward. Often such friendships begin to disintegrate as the man clearly shows his torment next to a woman who feels awkward about her presence. What to do with a friend in love?

Here we will have to talk openly about what is really happening. In such a situation, where a man loves a woman, there is, of course, no question of friendship. Friendship exists where people want to be together not for gifts or help, but just because. Friendship between a man and a woman arises when they are both indifferent and cold towards each other as sexual objects. We can say that they don’t even notice that they are people of different genders. A man perceives a woman as a friend, and a woman perceives a man as a girlfriend.

However, the situation becomes radically more complicated when one of the friends is not actually friends, but loves. Here one suffers because he cannot express his feelings and perform the actions of a person in love, and the other feels embarrassed, awkward, because he cannot reciprocate.

Even if this situation is not resolved, the friendship will cease to exist, since the one who does not love will try more and more to distance himself from the person in love with him, so as not to experience embarrassment and awkwardness again.

It is much easier to solve the problem if the one who does not reciprocate is already dating someone. Then you can clearly and clearly say that his heart is occupied. However, it will be very difficult to talk to a friend who is “in love” if you are single. After all, you will have to explain why you do not love him mutually.

Go to top

Bottom line

Friendship between a man and a woman can actually exist. However, such pairs are rarely formed. Most often, people start friendships because someone loves someone and does not want to lose them. At least being friends, you will be able to communicate and see your loved one. As a result, this leads to the opinion that friendship between the sexes does not exist, and also to the fact that sooner or later such “insincere” friendship is destroyed by the initiative of someone who does not love each other.

“We have already discussed that behind the offer to remain friends, as a rule, there is a desire to stop all communication, except, perhaps, that which is beneficial to the one offering friendship. Often the phrase “Let's remain friends” often also contains an attempt to clear one’s conscience in the spirit of “ I'm sorry for taking advantage of you!" But is true friendship between a man and a woman possible? To answer this question, we will look at those cases that claim this title, and see what motives are pursued by both sexes in such relationships .

Friendship without relationships - male and female views

Let's start with men. It's easier with them. Firstly, because it's us. Understanding your thoughts is always easier than the thoughts and motives of others. Secondly, with a man everything is much more clear. The basis of the male need for friendship is the instinct of self-preservation. And, of course, it is much more effective to satisfy such needs in friendship with the stronger sex - in an emergency situation, as a rule, men are more helpful. But what about the need to speak out, as they say, to pour out your soul? Don't men need women for this? We need more! But not as friends. Usually these tasks are handled by a mother, wife or mistress. That is, yes, in a man’s life there is usually a woman with whom his spiritual connection is so deep that he shares his most intimate things with her. But, as a rule, this is the woman with whom he lives or plans to live. It is the ability to penetrate deeply into a man’s soul that is the skill that divides mistresses into those to whom husbands leave their wives and those to whom they do not. But now we are talking about the friendship of a man and a woman, in which nothing other than this very friendship is present. It turns out that the man is not at all interested in her. And if he maintains such a relationship, then in 90% of cases he hopes for more. The remaining 10% falls on men pursuing rational benefits, for example, interested in a personal psychologist or career prospects, or those who are not quite traditionally oriented.
What about women? Do they need friendship? It is not easy to give a definite answer to this question, since it greatly depends on what is meant by friendship. If friendship is the desire to maintain more or less regular communication with a man without a chance of continuation, then yes, most women build such relationships at one time or another in their lives. Sometimes they not only maintain communication, but even flirt, flirt, actively smile and regularly touch a man with whom they do not want to go beyond the friendly line. For what? There are several motivating reasons.

• Men are better equipped to extract resources, and the entire economic system gives men a little more opportunity. Therefore, being friends with a man can be simply beneficial. In addition, a man is instinctively drawn to support a woman in every possible way, to help her solve many problems, especially if she is pretty. It is stupid for a woman to refuse such gifts of fate.
• Don't forget about the notorious instinct of self-preservation. If men have men for this, then women have... men too. Indeed, in difficult times you can expect understanding, consolation, and psychological support from a friend, but you expect real participation in solving life’s problems from a man.
• Women's sexual strategy is to win as many men's hearts as possible, so that later they can choose the best candidate. To make the right choice, as well as to insure against failure, a woman needs the longest possible bench. And one of the surest ways to keep men on her is to maintain friendly relations with them.
• A woman is a more socially active creature. She has a high need to feel like part of a community, to communicate more often and with more people, to voice what is on her soul, and to exchange emotions. Therefore, she maintains friendly communication with many women and men. And, unlike most men, he considers this communication to a much lesser extent a waste of time.

What conclusion can we draw? Women do sometimes be friends with men. That is, sometimes they strive to maintain communication without any plans for a love affair. Of course, most men wouldn't call it friendship, but that's what it is. Is there any benefit for a man from such a relationship? It happens in different ways, but most often the volume of positive benefits for us is less than the volume of costs.

Ending a relationship after friendship

How to end such a relationship? If you are asking this question, most likely you are not indifferent to your friend. In this case, tell her the truth. Politely explain to her that you are not at all interested in being friends with her. And ask them not to seek contact with you.
Can such a friendship develop into a romance? Very unlikely. But, if you are one of those who will not calm down until they check, you should not put off testing for a long time. At your next meeting, run your hand through her hair. And, if the reaction is neutral or positive, kiss (a negative reaction will immediately tell you that women’s interest is zero). Of course, you will most likely see a puzzled reaction. No matter how funny it may sound, she will be followed by an offer to remain friends. But this is very beneficial for you - the ideal moment to refuse such a tempting offer and complete this “bagpipe”.

Or could it happen that your attempts to kiss her will find a positive response? Maybe. But in my entire life I have made six attempts to turn my friends into lovers. And only one was successful. So don’t flatter yourself too much.

She is pretty, easily makes new acquaintances, interesting as a person and successful. All the men she meets happily become her friends. But nothing more. Nothing personal, they discuss with her all the vicissitudes of their romances with other women.

There is a lot of talk about whether a man and a woman can be “just friends”. Some argue that such friendship cannot exist at all, because their interests are too different. And others are sure that in such couples at least one of the partners is secretly or openly in love with the other.

The second may react to these claims in different ways. Does he prefer not to notice or does he sincerely not notice? Does she perceive you only as an “intellectual muse” or does she consider it “her boyfriend” to whom you can say anything? And, of course, it is especially difficult to untie this tangle of unspoken expectations if it is the girl who is in love, and the guy diligently maintains only a friendly level of contact.

If you are one of these girls, and this is not the first time you have been in this kind of “friendship trap”, most likely it is because you take a wrong turn at the very beginning of the relationship and do not try to look sexy and feminine. As soon as you met, you wanted to prove to him how good, loyal and trustworthy a companion you can be... And in doing so, you remind him too much of his sister.

Or: you were so desperately happy to meet him that you went too far with signs of attention. This immediately shows him that you want to be with him, regardless of his behavior, and that he doesn't have to do anything special to keep your interest.

Being trapped in a friendship is rarely pleasant. You are stuck hoping that one day things will change. He loves to spend time with you, but for him you are just a friend with whom he can keep secrets, but not a romantic partner. But you know for sure that you would be a wonderful couple for him. And what's worse, it keeps you from dating someone else because you're completely focused on him and don't want to miss your chance. Every time he's single again after another girl, you think it's a great opportunity for him to finally notice you. Do you hope that one day he realizes that you were nearby all this time.

And this is not surprising. Isn’t it true, you can immediately name a dozen Hollywood films with just such an ending? A guy and a girl have been friends for a very long time, but they sleep with someone else. And now, years later, one of them (usually a guy) suddenly comes to his senses and falls in love with this particular girl at some particularly dramatic moment - for example, when she boards a plane to fly away from him forever. And then he realizes that it is with her that he would like to spend the rest of his life.

How to get out of the friendship trap

If you want to free yourself from the friendly arms of the man of your dreams (and fall into his arms in a completely different status), you should not watch Hollywood films. You need to do something completely different. Here are some possible solutions.

Stop being his therapist . Perhaps your friend likes to talk to you about girls and get friendly advice on how to behave around them. And you give him these tips - because such conversations prove how much he values ​​you and how frank he is with you. But this is precisely what prevents him from perceiving you as an object of love. Just tell him that you are tired of such conversations and will not touch this topic anymore.

Don't be afraid to voice your disagreement . When we try to get someone's attention, we want to show how much we have in common. And we prefer to remain silent about our true opinions and tastes if they differ from our partner’s point of view. However, if you always say “yes” to everything, you cease to exist for him as a person. Paradoxically, disagreement can create more attraction and make your connection stronger. But - in moderation, of course... If you suddenly turn from a timid and sweet Snow Maiden into an Amazon on a horse, sweeping away all living things in its path, few people will like it.

Show him that you know how to be sexy . If you casually (in response to his stories about pretty girls) mention your personal life, guess how quickly his imagination will work in this direction. It turns out that someone is also interested in you as a woman - wow!!! Of course, if you just stand in front of a man and tell him you'd like to go to bed with him, after he gets over the shock, he'll likely feel intimidated. But if you say, “Oh, this jacket is so sexy!” or “Your deodorant smells wonderful! No girl could resist him!”, it will be much more elegant. Or if you tell him in confidence about your “buttons” that trigger your erotic fantasies, he will know how to press them. You send him two messages at once: you tell him that he looks very sexy in this new jacket, but you also make it clear that talking about sex is not common between the two of you. What do you think this will lead to?

Keep busy. You don't have to be on alert every time he calls you. As the old song says, “how can I miss you if you’re always there?” Victims of a friend trap are always tempted to drop everything and run to help. 'Cause you're hoping that maybe just this time everything will go differently. But - if you have your own life, not always connected with him, this raises you in his (and in your own) eyes. Intrigue sparks his curiosity, and a full, interesting life makes you less fixated only on this relationship.

Introduce more physical contact into your relationship with him. . Touching a person while walking or talking, holding their hand as a sign of support, or kissing them lightly on the cheek goodbye are all things that make physical contact commonplace. And what awakens your and his sexuality. If you are “tactile” enough with friends and colleagues, then it will be easier to touch the man of your dreams. Remember this awkward moment at the end of the first (second or third) date, when all the words have already been said and you are about to go home. And the girl hesitates in place with the thought: “Well, come on, do it, kiss me!” And the man cannot find a decent excuse to simply come closer to her. Pretend to see the bug on her shoulder? Slip and just fall on her lips? If physical contact becomes natural for you, you won't have to wait too long and he won't have to come up with ridiculous excuses.

But if all this does not help, just leave this idea alone. This is not the man of your dreams. Let him just remain your friend. And you can dream about someone else.